COMMENTARY: How an Elephant Chose My Daughter’s College: Emotions are Stronger Than Logic 759.4

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I’ve already introduced you to Jonathan Haidt’s metaphor of our rational self as a Rider sitting atop an Elephant, the larger, more powerful emotional self.  Sometimes the Rider is the pilot directing the Elephant, but often the Elephant is in control, making the Rider a passenger.

The metaphor reveals important truths about human nature.

First, what we think and what we feel are distinct drivers of our behavior; sometimes they are compatible, sometimes they are not. When there is a conflict between where the Rider (our rational self) wants to go and where our Elephant (our emotional self) wants to go, the Elephant usually has its way.  Feelings are simply more powerful than reasons.

Second, rather than discounting our emotions or treating them as negative impulses to be eradicated, we should learn train our rational Rider to acknowledge and honor our Elephant’s feelings. And we should train our emotional Elephant to acknowledge and honor our Rider’s rational direction.

Third, when we want to motivate action in ourselves or others,we should do all we can to create and sustain an emotional commitment — reasons and logic are rarely enough.

I experienced this last year when my daughter learned she was admitted to both New York University and Barnard College. She prefered NYU because of its theater arts program. I wasn’t sure.

In the midst of my analytical processing of pros and cons, I was shown a 3-minute video of the entire NYU admissions staff enthusiastically welcoming the Class of 2015, cheering the very moment the button was pushed to send the acceptance e-mails. It was fun and charming, and it roused and pleased my Elephant.

Perhaps the Elephant convinced the Rider that NYU was the best choice, or maybe it just overpowered reason. Either way, I felt good about my daughter’s choice, and I smiled as we wrote the deposit check.

Was NYU’s attempt to influence our decision with emotion cynical or improper? Am I being cynical in assuming that was their intent?

For that matter, was I deluding myself into thinking that once my daughter expressed and invested in her choice to go to NYU that any argument or reason  to the contrary would have  made any difference? Did I really think I could control her Elephant?

It doesn’t really matter. I’ve come to realize that non-rationally motivated decisions are not necessarily irrational or unwise. Making the Elephant happy is just as important as pleasing the Rider.

But there I go again trying to convince my head something my heart already knows.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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Tagged as: choices, elephant and rider, emotion, logic