Dear Reader and Friend, I hope it’s not presumptuous to address you as “Friend,” but I’ve shared with you so many of my deepest thoughts — including my recent sense of loss and uncertainty when the radio station KNX in Los Angeles cancelled the Character Counts broadcasts — that I feel a genuine intimacy with you. I’ll turn 69 in a …
WORTH READING: Learn more on how to identify and deal with toxic relationships and emotional vampires.
Life coach Cheryl Richardson describes six types of toxic qualities in people. The Blamer: This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life, and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you. The Drainer: This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or …
COMMENTARY: Ask What Can You Do for Your Country
In 1961, President John F. Kennedy, invoked my generation to “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” We are fortunate to live in a free and democratic society where millions of civilians and soldiers serve their fellow citizens. Last Friday was Veteran’s Day and the weekend provided the nation …
OBSERVATION: “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.” — Helen Keller.
Pessimism and optimism are not just ways we predict the future; these attitudes profoundly affect the future. Pessimism makes our disposition dark and gloomy. Optimism is a source of light and energy for everyone in range of its power. Both are contagious. It’s true that some people are more naturally optimistic, cheerful, and hopeful than others but even people with …
COMMENTARY: The Cookie Thief 747.2
There’s a nice poem circulating on the Internet about a woman who bought some cookies and a book at an airport and sat down to read and nibble while waiting for her plane. She soon noticed a man sitting next to her, who casually took a cookie from the bag. Although shocked and seething, the woman remained silent as the …
When Bad Things Happen to Good People 746.5
Recently two dear friends were inflicted by the soul-searing, heart-rending pain of the deaths of people close to them. One lost her lifelong companion and soul mate, a gentle, good man who lived a good life of 70 years. The other had to say goodbye to her totally innocent newborn son, the victim of a neurological anomaly. I’ve tried to …
Digging and Filling Holes 745.5
Charlie, a road crew supervisor for highway landscapers, came upon a pair of workers from one of his crews seemingly hard at work. He watched one fellow dig a hole while his partner waited a few minutes and then filled the hole. After a few repetitions Charlie demanded an explanation. The hole-filler was offended: “We’ve been doing this job for …
All Good Things Come to an End 745.2
In 1997, Bob Sims, the program manager of KNX-1070 in Los Angeles, invited me to record short personal editorials looking at the world through the lens of ethics and character. Fortunately, the CHARACTER COUNTS! Commentaries drew a following and have run daily for more than 14 successive years, making it one of the longest radio features in radio history. It’s …
Leading by Inspiration 744.5
Why are negative management practices so prevalent? They include yelling, cursing, insults (sometimes masked in sarcasm or masquerading as jokes), criticizing subordinates in front of others, threatening demotion or termination, and talking to adults as if they were children. Why are so many managers insensitive to the demotivating impact of focusing almost exclusively on weaknesses and shortcomings without properly acknowledging …
Blessing or Curse? 740.4
A man and his companion lost their way in a forest. The companion despaired, but the man said maybe some good would come of it. They came upon a stranger who needed the man’s help. The stranger turned out to be a prince who gave the man a beautiful horse. His neighbors praised his good luck and said, “How blessed …
A Parable About Leadership 739.5
As the nasty rhetoric of the upcoming presidential campaign sends the message that leadership must be aggressive and confrontational, consider this parable about leadership. A student assigned to write an essay about an effective leader wrote this story: “I’ve been taking a bus to school for years. Most passengers keep to themselves and no one ever talks to anyone else. …
Learning Humanity in the Context of Competition 737.2
Competition often brings out the best performance but it doesn’t always bring out the best in people. Even in the arts, actors, singers, dancers, and musicians must survive and thrive in a competitive community as rude and rough as any. Ambitious parents often introduce toxic gamesmanship and back-biting attitudes very early as their children are judged and ranked by the …
Ramadan Kareem 736.3
Ramadan Kareem. Ramadan Mubarak. Kul ‘am wa enta bi-khair! (May every year find you in good health!) Please forgive my pronunciation, but I want to respectfully offer warm wishes and greetings to my Muslim brothers and sisters during the holy month of Ramadan. To those whose entire perspective of Islam and the Qur’an is shaped by fear and hatred of …
A Dad Sending His Daughter Off to College 736.1
I want to share a slightly edited portion of a letter my friend Scott Raecker wrote to his daughter Emily on sending her off to college: My Dear Emily, My life changed the day we found out that you were on your way. From that moment forward, you have been on my mind and heart – every day. I vividly …
I Wish Hospitals Were More Hospitable 735.5
Hospitals are super-sanitary institutions housing millions of dollars of technology and scores of trained medical professionals for the purpose of providing medical care for the sick and injured. I just spent some time with my daughter at one of the better hospitals in New York City. She received great treatment, but I wish hospitals were more hospitable. A hospitable place …
Management Maxim: Suitability Is As Important As Capability 734.4
A critical maxim of management is “Suitability is as important as capability.” Capability asks, “Can they do the job?” Suitability asks, “Are they right for the job?” If the job isn’t a good fit, it’s not a good job. Yes, an employee has to have (or be able to readily acquire) the skills and knowledge required for excellent job performance, …
Coach Wooden the Philosopher 734.3
According to Henry David Thoreau, a philosopher is a person who seeks to understand and solve the most serious problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically. A true philosopher, Thoreau added, is so committed to wisdom that he seeks to live wisely and so lives a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust. By this definition, John Wooden, my …
Every Good Decision Starts with a Stop 733.3
More often than we like, most of us face choices that can have serious and lasting impact on our lives. Do we go along with the crowd? Do we tell someone off, quit a job, or end a relationship? Unfortunately, these decisions are not preceded by a drum roll warning us that the stakes are high. Even worse, we often …
If You Change One Thing, You Change Everything 733.2
Looking back on your life, what would you change if you could? In the classic 1946 film It’s a Wonderful Life, the main character, a small-town bank officer played by Jimmy Stewart, is about to commit suicide when an angel shows him how different the lives of people in Bedford Falls would be if he hadn’t been born. The movie …
The Greyhound Principle 732.2
Racing dogs are trained to chase a mechanical rabbit that always goes a little faster than the fleetest dog. This causes them to run faster than they otherwise would. Companies that annually set overly ambitious performance objectives for their employees employ this greyhound principle. To a point, it works. Most people achieve more when expectations are set high. The strategy …
Even Our Schools Are Cheating 731.3
Most Americans condemn cheating in sports, business, and marriage, yet our culture is pervaded by cheating. Premier athletes use performance-enhancing drugs, cheating in business ravages our economy, and the media regularly exposes infidelity by prominent personalities and politicians. But it gets worse. Atlanta’s public school system, which won national recognition and millions of dollars of awards for apparent improvements in …
The Struggle Between Wants and Shoulds 731.2
As a full-time ethicist – can you believe there is such a thing? – I spend most of my time talking about right and wrong with parents and politicians, kids and corporate managers, journalists and generals. One thing I’ve learned is that ethics – being a good person and doing the right thing – is easier said than done. Ethics, …
A Tale of Two Commentaries 731.1
Preface: The 90-second limit for my radio commentaries precludes a more thorough discussion of some issues. This “essay” is an expanded version of what was broadcast. Please remember my personal views in the commentaries, especially on controversial matters like these, are NOT views either endorsed or espoused by the Institute or the CHARACTER COUNTS! program. The Institute and CHARACTER COUNTS! …
Casey and O.J. 730.4
As a former law professor specializing in teaching trial practice, I watched hours and hours of the Casey Anthony murder trial with a keen professional eye. I thought Ms. Anthony’s lead attorney Jose Baez made some terrible decisions, including an opening statement proposing a totally unbelievable theory designed to excuse his client’s mountain of lies and explain how her two-year-old’s …
The Ethics of Gay Rights and Same-Sex Marriage 729.2
I have a strong personal opinion on the issue of gay rights and the legalization of same-sex marriage. If you’re a regular listener you may think you can predict my views based on your impression of me as either a conservative or liberal. Probably half of you will be wrong. As a missionary of ethics and virtue with the hope …
Making Bricks or Building Cathedrals 727.5
According to an old parable, three men were working hard cutting stone from large blocks of granite. When asked what they were doing, the first fellow said, “I’m making bricks.” The second said, “I’m creating a foundation for a large building.” The third person answered, “I’m building a cathedral.” They are doing the exact same job, and all three responses …
Filling Holes 727.3
Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When he demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant: “Chuck and I have been doing this job for more than 10 years. What’s your problem?” “Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?” …
The Bodyguard of Lies 726.3
“Follow me around. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.” This bold challenge by presidential candidate Gary Hart in 1987, bulwarking his denial that he was having an extramarital affair, started a new era in media ethics. Henceforth, sexual conduct and cover-up lies by politicians became fair game for the mainstream media because it …
The Pressure to Win in Sports and Business 724.1
A former successful college coach and athletic director once wrote me a note about the state of college sports. The pressure to win in high-profile schools is so great, he said, that it’s almost impossible to resist rationalizing. When competitors cheat or engage in other unethical conduct, the tendency is to redefine the ground rules for competition rather than be …
The Road to Significance 723.4
The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t …