I frequently address people who are highly successful. They’re at the top of their field and often have all the comforts that wealth can afford. Most seem to enjoy their success. So, in a way, it surprises me how deeply many of them respond when I talk about the difference between success and significance. Invariably, I see knowing nods when …
COMMENTARY 893.3: The Garden
A listener once sent me a poem with an unknown source called “The Garden.” I liked the idea so I rewrote it. Here’s my version of a lifetime garden to nourish your life: First, plant six rows of squash: 1. Squash dishonesty in all its forms. 2. Squash prejudice. 3. Squash fear.
COMMENTARY 872.5: Clichés and Milestones
One of the things I hate most about clichés is that whenever I experience milestone experiences, I have to admit they are true. There’s nothing unique or original about my feelings except that they are mine. So, when I witnessed my daughter Samara turn 18, my mind and heart flooded with trite and corny thoughts and emotions: “Where did the …
COMMENTARY 860.2: Deeply Personal Reflections
As I ponder quietly observing another New Year push the past year into history, I find myself more deeply aware of the profound truths buried in all the clichés about the fleeting quality of time and the transitory nature of youth. It staggers my mind to realize I’m over 70, that none of my children are children anymore, and that, …
Reflections at 71: Life Expectancy, Life’s Expectancies and The Seven Biggest Truths I’ve Learned
(updated December 12, 2013) Where did the time go? I hate clichés like this, but among the things I’ve learned in my 71 years of lurching around life is that these pithy statements became clichés precisely because they are true. Often profoundly so. Looking through the rear view mirror of my life the past feels like a movie played a …
COMMENTARY: Thanksgiving and Mashed Potatoes
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Ever since my dad passed away, it’s been my holiday. I have nine brothers and sisters so we rent a tent for the backyard so we can feed our clan turkey, creamed corn, and my special onion-laced mashed potatoes.
Memo From Michael: A Father-Daughter Adventure
I just returned from a nearly 3-week journey to Southeast Asia with my daughter Samara (a 19 year-old sophomore at NYU). It was an exceptional trip. We visited parts of the world I’d never been before – Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, Viet Nam and China (Hong Kong) and the exposure to the vast array of cultures and languages in this part …
COMMENTARY 807.3: Good Memories — The Gift That Keeps On Giving
When giving gifts or spending your own money, remember that experiences create deeper and longer lasting pleasure than any object you can buy. In a world preoccupied with the quest for material possessions, it’s easy to overlook the fact that the most valuable things we own are our best memories. Good memories are the gift that keeps on giving. They …
Memo From Michael: Thoughts on Turning 70
I am approaching this last month of 2012 with optimism but a special eagerness to enter a completely new year, a blank canvas on which I hope to paint a grand mural of another year’s worth of challenges and successes. I confess that I have some trepidation approaching my 70th birthday (December 10) – that really, really sounds old to …
COMMENTARY 802.3: Appreciating a Parent’s Love
While window-shopping in New York City, I saw an old gold watch that reminded me of one my father gave me when I graduated from college. It had been engraved with the simple inscription “Love, Dad.” But it was stolen during a burglary years ago, and I hadn’t thought much of it or the inscription since. I always knew my …
COMMENTARY 797.5: The Road to Significance
The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to evaluate success by listing accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. After all, in its simplest terms, success is getting what we want and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will …
COMMENTARY 775.2: Getting Started
Chris’s parents were proud of him when he graduated from college. But it’s been six months and he hasn’t gotten a job yet. In fact, he hasn’t looked seriously. He has no idea what he wants to do and he’s thinking of grad school. He’s living at home with his parents and things are getting tense, especially with his father, …
OBSERVATION: Life is difficult
M. Scott Peck said: “Once we truly know that life is difficult — once we truly understand and accept it — then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” His point is that we have a much better chance of finding happiness and contentment if we abandon our …
COMMENTARY 770.5: Desiderata
In 1927, Max Ehrmann gave us timeless advice in a poem called “Desiderata” (Latin for “things desired”): Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and …
COMMENTARY 767.3: Improve the World — Be Nice!
Marta was a hard-working single mother. Last week, at church, her minister urged the congregation to improve the world by doing more to help others. He’s got to be kidding, she thought, I can barely make ends meet and provide my children with basic necessities. Still, she felt guilty – “maybe I should be doing more.” So, on the bus to work …
COMMENTARY: Are You Wiser Today Than Yesterday? Things I’ve Learned
Do you think you’re any wiser today than you were five years ago? Do you think you’ll be wiser still in another five years? I hope the answer to both
COMMENTARY 760.3 DO BAD PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE GOOD?
When she was six, my daughter Carissa asked, “Do dumb people think they’re smart?” Answering her own question, she added, “They probably do because they’re dumb.” This made me think: “Do bad people think they’re good?” I wouldn’t be surprised if most do. In fact, I think all of us are ethical in our own eyes. The human tendency to rationalize, to …
COMMENTARY: Hurrah for Hollywood! This Year’s Crop is Rich in Films that Inform, Move and Inspire 759.3
I know I’m out of my depth as a movie critic, but I am venturing into this new territory because there’s so much criticism about Hollywood that we don’t always give ample credit for the substantial number of truly wonderful movies that teach, move, and inspire, as well as entertain. And from my narrow perspective as an ethicist, I am grateful …
COMMENTARY: True Friends 757.3
So what are the qualities of a true friend? True friends are good companions, people you enjoy doing things with, but they are also people you just enjoy being with. In true friendships the activity is incidental – it doesn’t matter much what you are doing together as long as you are together. True friends are people you want to …
COMMENTARY: The Treasure of Old Friends 757.2
In my lifetime, I’ve had the good fortune of having a handful of good friends. Each of my four teenage daughters have many hundreds. At least that what they call every Facebook connection they collect like trophies. The list of those kinds of friends includes people they barely know, some they don’t know at all and even some people they …
COMMENTARY: Living a Life That Matters 757.1
I saw a cartoon showing an old king checking in at the gates of heaven. He introduced himself as “Edward The Good.” The gatekeeper with a large book in front of him said, “Well, Eddie, we’ll be the judge of that.” The point is that, in the end, generous self-appraisals won’t matter. Our epitaphs will be written and eulogies delivered …
COMMENTARY: Stars Above and Stars Within 756.4
According to an article in The Wall Street Journal, two-thirds of the world’s population, including almost everyone in the continental United States and Europe, no longer see a starry sky where they live. The reason: City lights prevent us from seeing much more than a canopy of gray shadows. What a pity. In rural or remote areas with little or …
COMMENTARY: Enough Is Enough
What does it take to make you happy? How much do you have to have to be grateful? To the barefoot man, happiness is a pair of shoes. To the man with old shoes, it’s a pair of new shoes. To the man with new shoes, it’s more stylish shoes. And of course, the fellow with no feet — he’d …
COMMENTARY: Launching the New Year with a Commitment to be Self-Consciously Reflective
Expanding on the theme that the best way to improve your life and have an exceptionally successful and fulfilling New Year is to increase your wisdom and optimism, I urge you not to just skim this essay but to take some serious reflection time to answer these questions: What did you learn last year that will help you become wiser …
COMMENTARY: Some of the Things I’ve Learned 755.3
I hope you are looking forward to the new year, not just because you will be glad the old one is over but because you know 2012 will be full of opportunities and challenges that will bring you pleasure and fulfillment. It’s traditional to start the New Year with resolutions designed to help us live healthier, happier, and more rewarding …
COMMENTARY: Good Memories — The Gift That Keeps On Giving 755.1
When giving gifts or spending your own money, remember that experiences create deeper and longer lasting pleasure than any object you can buy. In a world preoccupied with the quest for material possessions, it’s easy to overlook the fact that the most valuable things we own are our best memories. Good memories are the gift that keeps on giving. They …
COMMENTARY: Birds on a Wire: Actions are More Important Than Intentions
Five birds are sitting on a telephone wire. Two of them decide to fly South. How many are left? Three, you say? No, it’s five. You see, deciding to fly South is not the same as doing it. If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire and flap its …
COMMENTARY: Give Yourself the Gift of Gratitude 750.5
For some, Thanksgiving is the beginning of a holiday season filled with joy and happiness at the prospect of spending time with family. For others, it’s a sadder time blemished by bad memories or dread. Some people see their lives filled with abundant blessings and find thankfulness easy and natural; others are so pre-occupied with tending to past wounds or …
COMMENTARY: Dealing With Toxic Relationships 750.2
Are there people in your life who regularly cause you to feel bad about yourself? Most of us care what others think of us, so knowing that someone doesn’t like us, or doesn’t approve of the judgments we’ve made, or doesn’t like how we look can be hurtful. And when we’re judged by someone whose approval we crave, such as a parent, …