Long ago a young man crossing a desert came upon a spring of cool, crystal-clear water. The water was so delightful he thought how much his grandfather Saul would love it, so he filled his leather water bag. After a two-day journey he presented the water to Saul who immediately drank from the canteen and with a look of pride and satisfaction he said, “Thank you for this wonderful gift. It is truly marvelous. Thank you for thinking of me and making me happy.” His grandson went away with a happy heart.
Another grandson tasted the water and found it awful. The water had become stale and bitter because of the old leather container. Puzzled, the boy said, “Grandfather, the water was foul, why did you pretend to like it?” Saul replied: “I wasn’t pretending. It wasn’t the water I tasted. I tasted the kindness of the heart that labored two days to bring it to me.”
This parable reveals interconnected truths about how both generosity and gratitude give a gift it’s meaning. Saul’s gracious reaction was itself a generous gift rewarding his grandson’s thoughtfulness. And the lesson he taught the second grandson was still another gift: Gratitude uplifts both the giver and receiver.
The concept of generosity driven by love and the desire to bring happiness to another is powerfully illustrated in O’Henry’s classical the story of The Gift of the Magi. He describes a poor couple, Della and Jim, filled with love who search for the perfect gift. Each demonstrates the spirit of generosity by making a deep personal sacrifice to buy a meaningful gift for the other. Della considered her long, flowing hair her greatest treasure but she sells her hair to buy a platinum chain for Jim’s most cherished possession, a pocket watch given to him by his father. Not knowing this, Jim sold the watch to purchase an ornate set of combs for Della’s hair. On Christmas morning, they discover that their gifts, now unusable, were nevertheless perfect as they demonstrated generosity and generating gratitude.
Ultimately, these stories underscore that giving and gratitude are intertwined acts of love that enriches both the giver and the receiver.
If gratitude is a valued result of a gift, it’s true, it’s really “the thought that counts.” Small gifts expressing love can generate great gratitude while lavish gifts given without feeling have no value beyond the inherent worth of the gift itself. We understand this best when young children give us gifts. Whether it’s a ceramic tray or a macaroni bracelet, we love it because we love our children and the idea within the gift. Because we don’t expect the gift to be anything we want, we can truly appreciate the spirit of the gift.
Holidays like Christmas and events like birthdays and marriage create a sense of obligation to give gifts to people we may like but certainly do not love. The spawn a gift-giving frenzy placing pressure on givers to find something that at least appears to be thoughtful and sufficient (to meet the receiver’s expectations). Thus, the process rarely results in satisfaction, let alone the sincere joy that Saula and his grandson and Della and Jim experienced.
It’s a shame and it often drains rather than creates joy.
It takes a positive perspective to accept the inherent hollowness of many gifts while never losing the last joy that comes from true generosity and gratitude.