COMMENTARY: Favorite Quips

As a break from heavy thoughts about heavy matters,  I’d like to share with you a list of some of my favorite quips collected over the years. I don’t know the original sources of these one-liners, but they definitely weren’t from me.

1)       If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

2)       If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with “quit while you’re ahead”?

3)       Think how much faster the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag.

4)       If it’s true that we’re here to help others, then what are the others here for?

5)       No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

6)       If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

7)       If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

8)       To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question … or is it?

9)       Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

10)    When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

11)    Remember, half the people in the world are below average.

12)    According to a recent study, five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

13)    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

14)    If a bus station is where a bus stops and a train station is where a train stops, why do companies give employees work stations?

15)    There is a light at the end of every tunnel; just pray it’s not a train.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

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