Five hundred years before the birth of Christ, Confucius was asked, “Is there one word that may serve as a rule of practice for all one’s life?” He answered, “Reciprocity. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” This basic principle, now called the Golden Rule, can be found in every major religion and philosophy. …
The Ethics of Gay Rights and Same-Sex Marriage 729.2
I have a strong personal opinion on the issue of gay rights and the legalization of same-sex marriage. If you’re a regular listener you may think you can predict my views based on your impression of me as either a conservative or liberal. Probably half of you will be wrong. As a missionary of ethics and virtue with the hope …
This Is My Dad, Sam Burke 729.1
Ann’s father, Sam Burke, was in the last stages of cancer, and his needs had gone beyond what she could provide at home. She was distraught at the thought of placing him in a convalescent home. The check-in process confirmed her worst fears. Administrators, nurses, and doctors who seemed bothered, bored, or burned out quickly transformed Sam Burke into just …
Does It Matter? 728.5
I run into a lot of cynics. The nicer ones commend my good intentions, but one way or another they tell me I’m wasting my time. They tell me I’m a small voice in the wilderness, a salmon swimming up stream. After all, people are what they are and they’re not going to change. So, do I really think that …
Do I Have to Tell Everything? 728.4
Should a job applicant properly withhold information about a criminal record or termination from a previous job? Should a woman starting a new relationship say nothing about a previous marriage or abortion? These are problems of candor: When does an ethical person have a duty to reveal negative information about his or her past? First, let’s reinforce a basic premise: …
Heather and Hava 728.3
Life is full of all sorts of opportunities, many of which come in unexpected forms at unexpected times. For my wife’s friend Heather, an opportunity to do a great good deed came in the form of a scared and scrawny stray cat she found hiding in some bushes. Heather loves cats and thought of adopting it, but she already has …
The Legacy I Seek 728.2
It was a great Father’s Day. Each of my five children wrote me a personal note and said nice things about my dadship. They were sweet and affectionate, and I loved it. My craving for praise and affection from my children is a bit pathetic, but as a much-older-than-average father of four teenage girls and a young unmarried adult son, …
Father or Friend? 728.1
As Father’s Day approaches, I want to share an edited version of a letter sent to me years ago by a listener named Sergio Ferreira. Dear Son, When I was a teenager I wished, just as you do now, that my dad could be my best friend. However, it wasn’t until my time to be a father came up when …
Making Bricks or Building Cathedrals 727.5
According to an old parable, three men were working hard cutting stone from large blocks of granite. When asked what they were doing, the first fellow said, “I’m making bricks.” The second said, “I’m creating a foundation for a large building.” The third person answered, “I’m building a cathedral.” They are doing the exact same job, and all three responses …
Noah’s Term Paper 727.4
Noah needed an A on his term paper. A friend said that lots of kids recycled papers they didn’t write, and he offered to give him a paper his older brother had gotten an A on three years before. When Noah asked his father for advice, his dad told him he hoped he wouldn’t cheat, but he didn’t want to …
Filling Holes 727.3
Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When he demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant: “Chuck and I have been doing this job for more than 10 years. What’s your problem?” “Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?” …
Redemption, Hubris, and Schadenfreude 727.2
Who would have thought the victory of the Dallas Mavericks over the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals would call into play a bunch of ten-dollar words like aficionado, redemption, hubris, and schadenfreude? Sports fans are aficionados, people with great knowledge and enthusiasm for an activity. But the fact that the term fan is derived from the word fanatic tells …
Sometimes It’s Okay to Give Up 726.5
It’s seemingly impossible to avoid joining the chorus of accusers and lamenters expressing outrage at the parade of powerful men – presently led by Congressman Anthony Weiner – who destroyed their careers and credibility by engaging in sexual conduct they hoped to keep secret and then compounding the problem by lying to cover it up. Serial sexter Mr. Weiner added …
Things Are Just Things 726.4
Years ago, a listener told me her mom died, leaving only a general will and a house full of personal items with sentimental and, in some cases, significant financial value. My listener said tensions were building among her two sisters and her as they approached the problem of allocating their mom’s stuff. Each sister had different and conflicting expectations. The …
The Bodyguard of Lies 726.3
“Follow me around. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.” This bold challenge by presidential candidate Gary Hart in 1987, bulwarking his denial that he was having an extramarital affair, started a new era in media ethics. Henceforth, sexual conduct and cover-up lies by politicians became fair game for the mainstream media because it …
Taking My Granddaddy’s Quarter 726.2
During a seminar for teachers, I asked participants to share experiences that shaped their values. A Southern lady shared this story: More than 50 years ago, when I was five, I was at my granddaddy’s house in a dress and white gloves. He told me I could go into the kitchen and get a cookie. Next to the cookie jar …
The Commencement Curse 726.1
Millions of teenagers across the land are about to leave the womb of high school for a world full of new freedoms and responsibilities. Although many have been waiting for this event for a long time, eager to get on with their lives as liberated adults, the thought of leaving behind friends and familiar places can be scary. The transition …
A Mirror or a Club? 725.5
One of the pleasures I get from doing these commentaries is to hear that something I said had real value to a listener. It’s particularly flattering when someone wants a written copy of a particular program so the person can share it with someone he or she knows. I feel honored by such requests and don’t want to bite the …
Our Last Worst Act 725.4
I’m going to mention a few names and I want you to think of the first thing that comes to your mind with each: Tiger Woods, Lindsay Lohan, John Edwards, Kenneth Lay, Britney Spears, Andrew Bynum, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Tressel. Each person behind the name won fame in sports, business, politics, or music because of some extraordinary talents and achievements, …
Did You Forget Anything? 725.2
I once saw a Memorial Day cartoon depicting a car passing an ignored military cemetery alongside a well-travelled country road. Not even noticing the cemetery, the driver says, to his wife: “Blanket? Cooler? Grill? Hot dogs? Did I forget anything?” Yes, he did. Like his countrymen who neglected the cemetery, he forgot to remember why he had the day off. …
Take a Moment to Remember 725.1
As we approach the Memorial Day weekend in the wake of the heightened sense of patriotism and pride resulting from the demise of Osama Bin Ladin, it’s important that we do so with genuine gratitude. Originally called “Decoration Day,” the holiday began with a proclamation in 1868 by General John Logan designating May 30th as a day to place flowers …
The T.E.A.M. Approach to Teaching Character 724.4
I want my kids to be smart and successful, but I also want them to be good. I want them to be the kind of people other parents would like to see their kids marry. I also want them to make sound, values-based decisions that will help them be safe and happy. So, like most parents, I spend lots time …
Five Birds and Good Intentions 724.2
Five birds are sitting on a telephone wire. Two decide to fly south. How many are left? Most people would say three. Actually, all five are left. You see, deciding to fly isn’t the same as doing it. If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire, flap …
The Pressure to Win in Sports and Business 724.1
A former successful college coach and athletic director once wrote me a note about the state of college sports. The pressure to win in high-profile schools is so great, he said, that it’s almost impossible to resist rationalizing. When competitors cheat or engage in other unethical conduct, the tendency is to redefine the ground rules for competition rather than be …
The Road to Significance 723.4
The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t …
Mental Sunshine and Flowers 723.2
Dave had to undergo painful throat surgery. Since he wasn’t a young man and made his living as a professional speaker, the experience was frightening and traumatic. He told me his surgeon was skilled and the hospital workers were competent, but the cold indifference of the parade of nurses and doctors who came in and out of his room was …
Lessons From a Carrot, Egg, and Coffee Bean 722.5
Let’s face it. Painful personal trauma and tragedy – like illness or injury, death of a loved one, loss of a job, or an unexpected breakup of a relationship – are unavoidable. The question is: Will these private calamities erode our capacity to be happy or cause us to become stronger and better able to live a meaningful and fulfilling …
Living and Reading 722.4
One of the most insightful and useful books I’ve ever read is a small volume by Harold Kushner called Living a Life That Matters. Today, I want to suggest ways of getting the most out of books, at least nonfiction books, which is about all I read. Reading shouldn’t be a passive experience. If you allow yourself to be absorbed …
You Could Say Ouch 722.3
In his book, If I Were to Raise My Family Again, John Dreschler tells of a little boy trying to get his father’s attention after scraping his knee. His dad impatiently looks up from his paper and barks, “Well, what can I do about it?” The boy, hurt by his harsh response, shrugs and says, “You could say ‘Ouch.’” You …
What I Believe 722.1
Here’s a small portion of my personal list expressing the beliefs I want to pass on: I believe I’m a work in progress and there will always be a gap between who I am and who I want to be. I believe every day brings opportunities to learn and to do something meaningful. I believe the true test of my …