Matt, an eighth grade teacher, was in a huge hurry. With guests arriving at his home shortly, he had a small list of things to buy. With 14 items in his basket, he decided to chance it and use the “10 items or less” express line. Matt’s heart pounded when he saw Phil, one of his students, come toward him. …
Guest Post: Black & White by Barbara Gruener
Editor’s note: Today we bring you a guest post from school counselor and friend of CHARACTER COUNTS! Barbara Gruener. You can keep up with Barbara’s thoughts on character and education at her blog, The Corner on Character. I grew up in a black-and-white world (literally), surrounded by Holstein cows, on our family farm. The motto on the sign in front …
COMMENTARY 767.2: Teaching Our Children To Be Better Than Us
Do parents have moral standing to impose standards on their children that they themselves did not follow when they were kids? Is it ever ethical for parents to lie to a child about their youthful experiences? These are important questions because it’s a parent’s duty to teach, enforce, advocate, and model good behavior for their kids. Sure, it’d be easier …
COMMENTARY 767.1: A Coach’s Dilemma
A high school football coach wrote to tell me his team was going to the state finals, but he was troubled. An English teacher had caught three of his players cheating on an exam they had to pass to remain eligible. He told the coach he had passed them anyway, “for the good of the school.”
COMMENTARY 766.5: Coaching a Winning Machine
When Larry volunteered to coach a kids’ football team he wanted to help each youngster develop not only their football skills but their character and work habits. He also wanted mold these youngsters into a winning machine. Early on, however, he saw that these goals were not always compatible. In the end, his desire to win won, and he convinced …
COMMENTARY 766.4: Leadership By Example
Mark Gibson, a former gymnastics coach who worked with many elite athletes, tells a wonderful story about a 15-year-old girl whose work ethic and attitude brought out the best in everyone. Cindy wasn’t a great gymnast, but when she was in the gym everyone complained less, worked harder, and, not surprisingly, achieved more. Cindy was such a powerful motivator because …
COMMENTARY 766.3: Doctoring With A Heart
When you visit a medical specialist, an emergency room, or a patient in the hospital, are you ever struck by a sense that many doctors are so focused on the scientific aspects of diagnosis and treatment of illness or injury that they ignore, maybe even become annoyed by, things like pain, fear, or anxiety? In her book Medicine as Ministry, …
COMMENTARY 766.2: Appreciating Appreciation
There’s a song titled “Thank God for Dirty Dishes” that makes the point that if you’re lucky to have enough food to make dirty dishes, you should be grateful. So instead of grousing about your property taxes, be thankful you own property. When you have to wait in line at the bank or are stuck in traffic, just be grateful …
COMMENTARY 766.1: The Paradoxical Commandments
In 1968, when Kent M. Keith* was a 19-year-old sophomore at Harvard University, he wrote “The Paradoxical Commandments” as part of a booklet for student leaders. He describes the Commandments as guidelines for finding personal meaning in the face of adversity: 1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. 2. If you do good, people will accuse you …
COMMENTARY 765.4: Using All Your Strength
A young boy was walking with his father along a country road. When they came across a very large tree branch, the boy asked, “Do you think I could move that branch?” His father answered, “If you use all your strength, I’m sure you can.” The boy tried mightily to lift, pull, and push the branch, but he couldn’t move …
WORTH READING: Wow! Lots of interesting findings and facts on Religion in America
Today’s commentary looks at some of the data in a major survey conducted by the Pew Forum for Religion & American Life. The study comprehensively details the belief patterns of the 14 largest religious traditions. Below is a more complete summary of key findings I found interesting. BELIEF IN GOD. 92% believe in God or a universal spirit; only 8% say …
COMMENTARY 765.3: Religion in America
Many people see a close connection between religion and ethics for good reason: ethical principles like love, compassion, mercy, charity, and justice are common foundations to all major religions. This doesn’t mean that religious beliefs are essential to ethical conduct or that everyone who professes to be religious is virtuous. History is full of examples of hypocritical and exploitive religious …
COMMENTARY: Dealing With Grief — If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going
A few years ago I spoke at a fundraising dinner for the Erika Whitmore Godwin Foundation, the creation of Susan and Wendell Whitmore, a couple who transformed their personal mountain of sorrow into a living monument to their daughter Erika who died in the prime of her life. The Whitmores created a website, www.griefHaven.org, to help parents and others maimed …
COMMENTARY 764.5: Being Right or Being Kind
Watching parents struggle to keep their young children quiet on a recent plane trip reminded me of how stressful traveling was a few years ago when my kids were really young. My wife Anne and I would do everything we could to keep our kids from annoying other passengers, but no matter how hard we tried, one would always scream …
WORTH READING: “…Jesus did not say: First, administer a breathalyzer test to the supplicant, or, first, sit him down for a pep talk on ‘focus’ and ‘goal-setting.'” — Barbara Ehrenreich
Freakonomics.com is a website that explores the economics of everyday life, written by an economist and a journalist. A few ago, the collaborators behind Freakonomics asked several writers and thinkers to respond to the following question: You are walking down the street in New York City with $10 of disposable income in your pocket. You come to a corner with …
QUOTE: “Since all motives at bottom are selfish and ignoble, we may judge acts and qualities only by their effects.” — H.P. Lovecraft
What effects do you produce when you give to a panhandler? What effects do you produce when you do not give?
COMMENTARY 764.4: Don’t Miss the Chance
A listener got me thinking about the challenge of dealing with aging parents who become more and more needy and the conflicts one is bound to feel. It motivated me to write this poem: Don’t Miss the Chance They said I was lucky my mom lived near, But she was pretty old and it wasn’t so clear.
COMMENTARY 764.3: Eight Laws of Leadership
Take a look around. Business, education, politics. If there’s one thing we don’t have enough of, it’s good leaders – men and women who have the vision and the ability to change things for the better. Former Air Force General William Cohen wrote a fine book called The Stuff of Heroes in which he identified eight laws of leadership. Here …
COMMENTARY 764.2: Everyone Needs a “Me File”
During a dinner with friends I mentioned an e-mail I’d received from a 13-year-old thanking me for the way my commentaries had influenced his life. I was clearly proud of the note, and Sally Kinnamon said I should save this and other affirming mementos and put them in a “Me File.” At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but …
COMMENTARY 764.1: Choosing Caring Over Judging (The Ethics of Giving to Panhandlers)
Every time my wife and I leave a Lakers game we’re confronted by half a dozen or more beggars with outreached cups. Usually we try to avoid eye contact and pass quickly – annoyed rather than moved. I’ve got lots of justifications for this callous indifference:
COMMENTARY 763.5: The Scorpion and Human Nature
Terry and his dad Glen were walking along the shore and came upon a scorpion struggling in the tide, trying to get back to the sand. Glen tried to scoop the creature up, but the scorpion stung him and fell back into the tide. Glen tried again and was stung again. Terry said, “Dad, leave him alone! He’s not worth …
COMMENTARY 763.4: Being Basically Honest
After a workshop, a fellow came up to me and complained that I had made him feel uncomfortable. “I’m not perfect,” he said, “But I’m basically honest.” His implication was that it’s unfair to expect people to be honest all the time. His comment reminded me of a cartoon where one fellow confided to another, “I admire Webster’s honesty, but …
COMMENTARY 763.3: Willful Blindness: Ignoring the Moral Issues Before Us
On a bitter cold night, a Russian countess was taken to a play in a horse-drawn carriage. The driver asked the Lady whether they could take shelter in a nearby inn until the play was over as he was not feeling well. The Countess thought the question impertinent and directed the two men to wait outside with the carriage in …
COMMENTARY 763.1: Dishonest Merchants Don’t Deserve Your Business
Some time ago, I received a handwritten message on a yellow self-stick note attached to a torn-out page from a magazine about a new book. The note said, “Mike, thought you might be interested.” It was signed “L.” It was sent in a non-business envelope with a stamp, but no return address. My assistant thought it was a personal message …
COMMENTARY 762.5: Cheating — We Don’t Want to Ruin Their Lives
A few years ago, 14 students at an affluent public high school were involved in a school break-in. They weren’t vandals and weren’t trying to steal anything. Their goal was to alter the computer records of their academic transcripts so they’d have a better chance of getting into premier colleges. Some people were horrified, others amused, and still others treated …
COMMENTARY 762.3: The True Meaning of Love – Love Is Not A Mirage
If we can get beyond the corny red heart clichés and commercialism surrounding Valentine’s Day, there’s real value in celebrating the idea of love. Okay, love doesn’t always conquer all and it’s rarely forever, but I worry that the hearts and souls of a whole generation are being corrupted by images that mock and trivialize the beauty and sanctity of …
COMMENTARY 762.1: Self-Control
A frazzled mother with a fussy child caught the eye of a grocery store manager. He overheard her say, “Lily, you can do this. We just have to get a few things.” Moments later, when the child became more upset, the mother said calmly, “It’s okay, Lily. We’re almost done.”
COMMENTARY: Cheerfulness: A Conscious Act of Kindness 761.5
My mother died of cancer when I was 18. The disease was detected a year earlier during her pregnancy with her sixth child. On the day she delivered, both breasts were removed. During her illness, our household became increasingly gloomy. It’s hard to watch someone you love get sicker and sicker. But my mom was always a pleasure to be …
COMMENTARY: Teach Or Punish, That Is the Question 761.4
As Greg paces the floor, waiting for his 17-year-old daughter Sandy to return from a school event, he feels two conflicting emotions: fear and anger. Fear that something terrible has happened to her. Anger because he thinks his fear is probably unfounded and Sandy is not hurt, simply irresponsible. Finally, Sandy calls. She’s all right. She just lost track of …