Years ago, a listener told me her mom died, leaving only a general will and a house full of personal items with sentimental and, in some cases, significant financial value. My listener said tensions were building among her two sisters and her as they approached the problem of allocating their mom’s stuff. Each sister had different and conflicting expectations. The …
The Bodyguard of Lies 726.3
“Follow me around. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.” This bold challenge by presidential candidate Gary Hart in 1987, bulwarking his denial that he was having an extramarital affair, started a new era in media ethics. Henceforth, sexual conduct and cover-up lies by politicians became fair game for the mainstream media because it …
Taking My Granddaddy’s Quarter 726.2
During a seminar for teachers, I asked participants to share experiences that shaped their values. A Southern lady shared this story: More than 50 years ago, when I was five, I was at my granddaddy’s house in a dress and white gloves. He told me I could go into the kitchen and get a cookie. Next to the cookie jar …
The Commencement Curse 726.1
Millions of teenagers across the land are about to leave the womb of high school for a world full of new freedoms and responsibilities. Although many have been waiting for this event for a long time, eager to get on with their lives as liberated adults, the thought of leaving behind friends and familiar places can be scary. The transition …
A Mirror or a Club? 725.5
One of the pleasures I get from doing these commentaries is to hear that something I said had real value to a listener. It’s particularly flattering when someone wants a written copy of a particular program so the person can share it with someone he or she knows. I feel honored by such requests and don’t want to bite the …
Our Last Worst Act 725.4
I’m going to mention a few names and I want you to think of the first thing that comes to your mind with each: Tiger Woods, Lindsay Lohan, John Edwards, Kenneth Lay, Britney Spears, Andrew Bynum, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Tressel. Each person behind the name won fame in sports, business, politics, or music because of some extraordinary talents and achievements, …
The T.E.A.M. Approach to Teaching Character 724.4
I want my kids to be smart and successful, but I also want them to be good. I want them to be the kind of people other parents would like to see their kids marry. I also want them to make sound, values-based decisions that will help them be safe and happy. So, like most parents, I spend lots time …
The Road to Significance 723.4
The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t …
You Could Say Ouch 722.3
In his book, If I Were to Raise My Family Again, John Dreschler tells of a little boy trying to get his father’s attention after scraping his knee. His dad impatiently looks up from his paper and barks, “Well, what can I do about it?” The boy, hurt by his harsh response, shrugs and says, “You could say ‘Ouch.’” You …
Reveling in the Death of a Villain 721.4
Yesterday I admitted I was glad and grateful to learn of Osama bin Laden’s death, an emotional reaction I’ve had some difficulty connecting to my principles as I became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of reveling in the death of another human being, even though he was a villain. My niece Eliana helped me realize the complexity of the situation …
If It’s Broke, Try to Fix It 721.3
Former President Jimmy Carter was 70 years old when he wrote this poem about his father: This is a pain I mostly hide, But ties of blood or seed endure. And even now I feel inside The hunger for his outstretched hand. A man’s embrace to take me in, The need for just a word of praise. Isn’t it extraordinary …
The History of Positive Thinking 720.5
I am a strong believer in the power of positive thinking, which is the title of a best-selling book published in 1952 by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, a controversial preacher and pastor who popularized the idea that if you can change your attitude, you can change your life. He urged people to consciously train themselves to be optimistic and enthusiastic, …
The Need for Moral Judgment 720.2
In my book The Power of Character, Dr. Laura Schlessinger writes that her radio show didn’t become a success until she abandoned the nonjudgmental strategy of the traditional psychologist/family counselor and began to challenge, chastise, and encourage her listeners to think of their behavior in terms of right and wrong. Believing that we’re all obligated to discern and honor moral …
Letter from God 719.4
According to a story making the rounds on the Internet*, a mom writes that when their 14-year-old dog Abbey died, her four-year-old daughter Meredith dictated this note to God: Dear God, Please take care of my dog Abbey. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. …
A Parent’s Fantasy 719.3
I think it’s a silent fantasy of most parents that someday their child will win an Oscar or a Nobel Prize and in the acceptance speech declare, “I owe it all to my mom and dad.” Well, the occasion wasn’t as grand, but these comments in my daughter Mataya’s bat mitzvah speech were as good as it gets: Hi, mommy. …
Mataya’s Coming of Age 719.2
This weekend family and friends gathered to witness our daughter Mataya’s bat mitzvah*, the symbolic transition from childhood to adulthood. It was our fourth bat mitzvah in five years, and frankly, we’re glad we’re done. Anne and I make them major productions. Anne has the hard part. She plans a party equal to a significant wedding and personally creates a …
No One Is Too Poor to Give 718.1
When Teresa, a widow with four young children, saw a notice that members of her church would gather to deliver presents and food to a needy family, she took $10 out of her savings jar and bought the ingredients to make three dozen cookies. She got to the church parking lot just in time to join a convoy going to …
So What Makes Us Happy? 717.5
There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness. For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well-being. Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s …
Statement of Family Values 717.4
Our values – the core beliefs that drive behavior – determine our character, our ethics, and our potential. Thus, the most important thing we can do for our children is to stimulate them to develop positive values that will help them become wise, happy, and good. This is no simple matter. The first step is to achieve greater clarity about …
Another Parenting Passage 717.3
Have you seen the Subaru commercial where a father is giving a safety talk to his six-year-old sitting in the driver’s seat?* In that exasperated tone I’ve heard a thousand times, the little girl says, “Daddy, it’s okay.” Then, as dad hands his daughter the key with a final warning to drive carefully, she is replaced by a 16-year-old. I’m …
Parenting and Play-Doh 716.5
Peggy Adkins, a talented CHARACTER COUNTS! trainer, tells the story of when she adopted a cat. Each of the cat’s original owners was interviewed, and when Peggy finally got the animal, she had to sign a document that listed 23 things to do and 17 things not to do to raise a happy, healthy feline. Over the next several months, …
The Woodsman and the Leprechaun 715.4
Long ago, a woodsman saved the life of a leprechaun and was given one wish. The woodsman thought for a long time and finally wished that each of his three daughters find a good husband. But the leprechaun was full of games. “How am I to know what’s good in your mind? I’ll give them husbands, but you can name …
Failing Forward: Turning Stumbling Blocks into Stepping Stones 715.1
The best way to teach our children to succeed is to teach them to fail. After all, if getting everything you want on the first try is success, and everything else is failure, we all fail much more often than we succeed. People who learn how to grow from unsuccessful efforts succeed more often and at higher levels because they …
What You Do Is What You’ll Get 714.3
If you want to help your children do well in life, there are a few things you can do. A high proportion of high achievers had two things in common: First, there were lots of books in their homes and a great emphasis on reading. Second, there was a family tradition of regularly eating dinner together. Filling a house with …
Posttraumatic Growth 714.2
I’ve been fascinated, awestruck, and intimidated by disturbingly vivid real-time images of the destructive force of shifting earth and massive waves of water. Technology has given us an unprecedented ability to experience every nuance of Mother Nature’s show of power. The visuals have an unreal science fiction quality that can cause us to distance ourselves from the tidal waves of …
Heartwrenching to Heartwarming 714.1
The huge 8.9-magnitude earthquake in Japan and the still unfolding consequences of tsunamis rolling to shores all over the world are just the latest reminders of our vulnerability to unpredictable, unavoidable, massive natural disasters. In 2004, more than 200,000 people (mostly Indonesians) died in an Indian Ocean tsunami. A year later, an earthquake in Pakistan killed about 80,000. Last year, …
I Didn’t Want the Janitor to Lose His Job 713.5
The primary responsibility for instilling good values and building character is with parents. This doesn’t mean, however, that teachers and coaches don’t have a critically important role. The unfortunate fact is that far too many kids are raised in morally impoverished settings that foster lying, cheating, and violence. If we don’t give these children moral instruction, many of them will …
There’s a Difference between a Happy Life and a Good Life 713.1
Charlie Sheen recently took his place at the head of the line of celebrities who have publicly discredited themselves, ruined their relationships, and damaged their careers by addictive and self-destructive behavior. I’ve been reluctant to give even more attention to an essentially trashy story, but I see an important lesson in the way he continues to defend his unhealthy lifestyle …
Cheating Is Just Wrong 711.3
If you have a child in high school, there’s a pretty good chance he or she cheats at school. In fact, a recent study by the Josephson Institute reveals that 59% of high schoolers admit they cheated in the past year. Yet neither schools nor parents seem to take this seriously. Instead they often tell kids: “You’re only cheating yourself.” …
My First Gala 711.1
I’m going to my first gala. According to the dictionary, a gala is an elaborate or lavish social event. The event is the Movieguide Awards, created to recognize and promote inspiring, spiritual, values-based movies and TV shows. Okay, that’s right up my alley, but the truth is I’m not a gala kind of guy. For one thing, there is no …