Heather and Hava 728.3

Life is full of all sorts of opportunities, many of which come in unexpected forms at unexpected times. For my wife’s friend Heather, an opportunity to do a great good deed came in the form of a scared and scrawny stray cat she found hiding in some bushes. Heather loves cats and thought of adopting it, but she already has …

The Legacy I Seek 728.2

It was a great Father’s Day. Each of my five children wrote me a personal note and said nice things about my dadship. They were sweet and affectionate, and I loved it. My craving for praise and affection from my children is a bit pathetic, but as a much-older-than-average father of four teenage girls and a young unmarried adult son, …

Father or Friend? 728.1

As Father’s Day approaches, I want to share an edited version of a letter sent to me years ago by a listener named Sergio Ferreira. Dear Son, When I was a teenager I wished, just as you do now, that my dad could be my best friend. However, it wasn’t until my time to be a father came up when …

Noah’s Term Paper 727.4

Noah needed an A on his term paper. A friend said that lots of kids recycled papers they didn’t write, and he offered to give him a paper his older brother had gotten an A on three years before. When Noah asked his father for advice, his dad told him he hoped he wouldn’t cheat, but he didn’t want to …

Filling Holes 727.3

Sam, a supervisor, was dumbfounded as he watched Bill diligently dig holes while Chuck, after waiting a short interval, filled them. When he demanded an explanation, Bill was indignant: “Chuck and I have been doing this job for more than 10 years. What’s your problem?” “Are you telling me that for 10 years you’ve been digging and filling empty holes?” …

Things Are Just Things 726.4

Years ago, a listener told me her mom died, leaving only a general will and a house full of personal items with sentimental and, in some cases, significant financial value. My listener said tensions were building among her two sisters and her as they approached the problem of allocating their mom’s stuff. Each sister had different and conflicting expectations. The …

The Bodyguard of Lies 726.3

“Follow me around. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead.” This bold challenge by presidential candidate Gary Hart in 1987, bulwarking his denial that he was having an extramarital affair, started a new era in media ethics. Henceforth, sexual conduct and cover-up lies by politicians became fair game for the mainstream media because it …

Taking My Granddaddy’s Quarter 726.2

During a seminar for teachers, I asked participants to share experiences that shaped their values. A Southern lady shared this story: More than 50 years ago, when I was five, I was at my granddaddy’s house in a dress and white gloves. He told me I could go into the kitchen and get a cookie. Next to the cookie jar …

The Commencement Curse 726.1

Millions of teenagers across the land are about to leave the womb of high school for a world full of new freedoms and responsibilities. Although many have been waiting for this event for a long time, eager to get on with their lives as liberated adults, the thought of leaving behind friends and familiar places can be scary. The transition …

Our Last Worst Act 725.4

I’m going to mention a few names and I want you to think of the first thing that comes to your mind with each: Tiger Woods, Lindsay Lohan, John Edwards, Kenneth Lay, Britney Spears, Andrew Bynum, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Tressel. Each person behind the name won fame in sports, business, politics, or music because of some extraordinary talents and achievements, …

Did You Forget Anything? 725.2

I once saw a Memorial Day cartoon depicting a car passing an ignored military cemetery alongside a well-travelled country road. Not even noticing the cemetery, the driver says, to his wife: “Blanket? Cooler? Grill? Hot dogs? Did I forget anything?” Yes, he did. Like his countrymen who neglected the cemetery, he forgot to remember why he had the day off. …

Take a Moment to Remember 725.1

As we approach the Memorial Day weekend in the wake of the heightened sense of patriotism and pride resulting from the demise of Osama Bin Ladin, it’s important that we do so with genuine gratitude. Originally called “Decoration Day,” the holiday began with a proclamation in 1868 by General John Logan designating May 30th as a day to place flowers …

The T.E.A.M. Approach to Teaching Character 724.4

I want my kids to be smart and successful, but I also want them to be good. I want them to be the kind of people other parents would like to see their kids marry. I also want them to make sound, values-based decisions that will help them be safe and happy. So, like most parents, I spend lots time …

Five Birds and Good Intentions 724.2

Five birds are sitting on a telephone wire. Two decide to fly south. How many are left? Most people would say three. Actually, all five are left. You see, deciding to fly isn’t the same as doing it. If a bird really wants to go somewhere, it’s got to point itself in the right direction, jump off the wire, flap …

The Road to Significance 723.4

The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t …

Living and Reading 722.4

One of the most insightful and useful books I’ve ever read is a small volume by Harold Kushner called Living a Life That Matters. Today, I want to suggest ways of getting the most out of books, at least nonfiction books, which is about all I read. Reading shouldn’t be a passive experience. If you allow yourself to be absorbed …

You Could Say Ouch 722.3

In his book, If I Were to Raise My Family Again, John Dreschler tells of a little boy trying to get his father’s attention after scraping his knee. His dad impatiently looks up from his paper and barks, “Well, what can I do about it?” The boy, hurt by his harsh response, shrugs and says, “You could say ‘Ouch.’” You …

Questions Ahead 721.5

It’s not surprising that news of Osama bin Laden’s death would branch into scores of storylines that will fragment our attention and give plenty of opportunity for criticism. The current target is the President’s decision to not release photos of bin Laden’s body, which some claim are needed to prove he’s really dead. It’s déjà vu all over again, a …

Reveling in the Death of a Villain 721.4

Yesterday I admitted I was glad and grateful to learn of Osama bin Laden’s death, an emotional reaction I’ve had some difficulty connecting to my principles as I became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of reveling in the death of another human being, even though he was a villain. My niece Eliana helped me realize the complexity of the situation …

If It’s Broke, Try to Fix It 721.3

Former President Jimmy Carter was 70 years old when he wrote this poem about his father: This is a pain I mostly hide, But ties of blood or seed endure. And even now I feel inside The hunger for his outstretched hand. A man’s embrace to take me in, The need for just a word of praise. Isn’t it extraordinary …

Vindication 721.2

As I began writing this commentary, CNN Newsroom was exploring in detail the fresh facts and implications of the death of Osama Bin Laden. Just one click away, HLN, CNN’s second station, was reviewing the wedding and after party of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I hadn’t quite decided whether I was going to talk warmly about the fairy-tale quality …

The History of Positive Thinking 720.5

I am a strong believer in the power of positive thinking, which is the title of a best-selling book published in 1952 by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, a controversial preacher and pastor who popularized the idea that if you can change your attitude, you can change your life. He urged people to consciously train themselves to be optimistic and enthusiastic, …

Disposition or Discipline? 720.1

Have you heard the story of a shoe company that sent two salesmen into the backwoods? After a few days, both came back. One was frustrated: “It was a waste of time. None of these people wear shoes.” The second was enthused: “Tremendous opportunity here. None of these people wear shoes.” It’s pretty obvious which salesman was more successful, and …

Letter from God 719.4

According to a story making the rounds on the Internet*, a mom writes that when their 14-year-old dog Abbey died, her four-year-old daughter Meredith dictated this note to God: Dear God, Please take care of my dog Abbey. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. …

A Parent’s Fantasy 719.3

I think it’s a silent fantasy of most parents that someday their child will win an Oscar or a Nobel Prize and in the acceptance speech declare, “I owe it all to my mom and dad.” Well, the occasion wasn’t as grand, but these comments in my daughter Mataya’s bat mitzvah speech were as good as it gets: Hi, mommy. …

Mataya’s Coming of Age 719.2

This weekend family and friends gathered to witness our daughter Mataya’s bat mitzvah*, the symbolic transition from childhood to adulthood. It was our fourth bat mitzvah in five years, and frankly, we’re glad we’re done. Anne and I make them major productions. Anne has the hard part. She plans a party equal to a significant wedding and personally creates a …

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? 719.1

“Nice guys finish last.” This maxim originated with a fiercely competitive baseball manager named Leo Durocher who shamelessly advocated ruthlessness, cheating, and dirty play. It is also used to explain why sweet, thoughtful men lose out to self-centered jerks in the world of dating. Lots of people believe the philosophy applies in business as well. The rationale: Nice is the …

No One Is Too Poor to Give 718.1

When Teresa, a widow with four young children, saw a notice that members of her church would gather to deliver presents and food to a needy family, she took $10 out of her savings jar and bought the ingredients to make three dozen cookies. She got to the church parking lot just in time to join a convoy going to …

So What Makes Us Happy? 717.5

There is an ever-growing body of knowledge about the nature and causes of happiness. For one thing, it’s clear that happiness is a feeling, not a circumstance. Happiness is more than just fun or pleasure. It’s a more durable sense of well-being. Our happiness depends not on what happens to us, but what happens in us. In other words, it’s …

Statement of Family Values 717.4

Our values – the core beliefs that drive behavior – determine our character, our ethics, and our potential. Thus, the most important thing we can do for our children is to stimulate them to develop positive values that will help them become wise, happy, and good. This is no simple matter. The first step is to achieve greater clarity about …