COMMENTARY 768.1: We Shape Our Own Character

There’s no doubt that our character has a profound effect on our future. What we must remember, however, is not merely how powerful character is in influencing our destiny, but how powerful we are in shaping our own character and, therefore, our own destiny. Character may determine our fate, but character is not determined by fate.

COMMENTARY 767.5: Two Sets of Proud Parents

I received an e-mail with a story worth sharing. Only the names have been changed to preserve privacy. Doug is the proud and loving father of Emma, a high school junior who takes a leadership class responsible for putting on dances and other student events. All student body officers must take the class, but a number of other kids like …

COMMENTARY 767.4: Careful — Your Children May Be Watching

Matt, an eighth grade teacher, was in a huge hurry. With guests arriving at his home shortly, he had a small list of things to buy. With 14 items in his basket, he decided to chance it and use the “10 items or less” express line. Matt’s heart pounded when he saw Phil, one of his students, come toward him. …

COMMENTARY 767.2: Teaching Our Children To Be Better Than Us

Do parents have moral standing to impose standards on their children that they themselves did not follow when they were kids? Is it ever ethical for parents to lie to a child about their youthful experiences? These are important questions because it’s a parent’s duty to teach, enforce, advocate, and model good behavior for their kids. Sure, it’d be easier …

COMMENTARY 767.1: A Coach’s Dilemma

A high school football coach wrote to tell me his team was going to the state finals, but he was troubled. An English teacher had caught three of his players cheating on an exam they had to pass to remain eligible. He told the coach he had passed them anyway, “for the good of the school.”

COMMENTARY 766.5: Coaching a Winning Machine

When Larry volunteered to coach a kids’ football team he wanted to help each youngster develop not only their football skills but their character and work habits. He also wanted mold these youngsters into a winning machine. Early on, however, he saw that these goals were not always compatible. In the end, his desire to win won, and he convinced …

COMMENTARY 766.4: Leadership By Example

Mark Gibson, a former gymnastics coach who worked with many elite athletes, tells a wonderful story about a 15-year-old girl whose work ethic and attitude brought out the best in everyone. Cindy wasn’t a great gymnast, but when she was in the gym everyone complained less, worked harder, and, not surprisingly, achieved more. Cindy was such a powerful motivator because …

COMMENTARY 766.3: Doctoring With A Heart

When you visit a medical specialist, an emergency room, or a patient in the hospital, are you ever struck by a sense that many doctors are so focused on the scientific aspects of diagnosis and treatment of illness or injury that they ignore, maybe even become annoyed by, things like pain, fear, or anxiety? In her book Medicine as Ministry, …

COMMENTARY 766.2: Appreciating Appreciation

There’s a song titled “Thank God for Dirty Dishes” that makes the point that if you’re lucky to have enough food to make dirty dishes, you should be grateful. So instead of grousing about your property taxes, be thankful you own property. When you have to wait in line at the bank or are stuck in traffic, just be grateful …

COMMENTARY 766.1: The Paradoxical Commandments

In 1968, when Kent M. Keith* was a 19-year-old sophomore at Harvard University, he wrote “The Paradoxical Commandments” as part of a booklet for student leaders. He describes the Commandments as guidelines for finding personal meaning in the face of adversity: 1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. 2. If you do good, people will accuse you …

COMMENTARY 765.4: Using All Your Strength

A young boy was walking with his father along a country road. When they came across a very large tree branch, the boy asked, “Do you think I could move that branch?” His father answered, “If you use all your strength, I’m sure you can.” The boy tried mightily to lift, pull, and push the branch, but he couldn’t move …

COMMENTARY 765.3: Religion in America

Many people see a close connection between religion and ethics for good reason: ethical principles like love, compassion, mercy, charity, and justice are common foundations to all major religions. This doesn’t mean that religious beliefs are essential to ethical conduct or that everyone who professes to be religious is virtuous. History is full of examples of hypocritical and exploitive religious …

COMMENTARY: Dealing With Grief — If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going

A few years ago I spoke at a fundraising dinner for the Erika Whitmore Godwin Foundation, the creation of Susan and Wendell Whitmore, a couple who transformed their personal mountain of sorrow into a living monument to their daughter Erika who died in the prime of her life. The Whitmores created a website, www.griefHaven.org, to help parents and others maimed …

COMMENTARY 764.5: Being Right or Being Kind

Watching parents struggle to keep their young children quiet on a recent plane trip reminded me of how stressful traveling was a few years ago when my kids were really young. My wife Anne and I would do everything we could to keep our kids from annoying other passengers, but no matter how hard we tried, one would always scream …

COMMENTARY 764.4: Don’t Miss the Chance

A listener got me thinking about the challenge of dealing with aging parents who become more and more needy and the conflicts one is bound to feel. It motivated me to write this poem: Don’t Miss the Chance They said I was lucky my mom lived near, But she was pretty old and it wasn’t so clear.

COMMENTARY 764.3: Eight Laws of Leadership

Take a look around. Business, education, politics. If there’s one thing we don’t have enough of, it’s good leaders – men and women who have the vision and the ability to change things for the better. Former Air Force General William Cohen wrote a fine book called The Stuff of Heroes in which he identified eight laws of leadership. Here …

COMMENTARY 764.2: Everyone Needs a “Me File”

During a dinner with friends I mentioned an e-mail I’d received from a 13-year-old thanking me for the way my commentaries had influenced his life. I was clearly proud of the note, and Sally Kinnamon said I should save this and other affirming mementos and put them in a “Me File.” At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but …

COMMENTARY 763.5: The Scorpion and Human Nature

Terry and his dad Glen were walking along the shore and came upon a scorpion struggling in the tide, trying to get back to the sand. Glen tried to scoop the creature up, but the scorpion stung him and fell back into the tide. Glen tried again and was stung again. Terry said, “Dad, leave him alone! He’s not worth …

COMMENTARY 763.4: Being Basically Honest

After a workshop, a fellow came up to me and complained that I had made him feel uncomfortable. “I’m not perfect,” he said, “But I’m basically honest.” His implication was that it’s unfair to expect people to be honest all the time. His comment reminded me of a cartoon where one fellow confided to another, “I admire Webster’s honesty, but …

COMMENTARY 763.3: Willful Blindness: Ignoring the Moral Issues Before Us

On a bitter cold night, a Russian countess was taken to a play in a horse-drawn carriage. The driver asked the Lady whether they could take shelter in a nearby inn until the play was over as he was not feeling well. The Countess thought the question impertinent and directed the two men to wait outside with the carriage in …

COMMENTARY 763.2 The Presidents Day Un-Celebration — Honoring Not Just the Great, But All U.S. Presidents

If you’re not going to school or work today, it’s because it’s a national holiday. The country used to celebrate the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln separately, but in 1971 Richard Nixon and Congress, in order to create a perpetual three-day weekend, merged the two holidays into a brand new one called “Presidents’ Day,” to honor all U.S. …

COMMENTARY 763.1: Dishonest Merchants Don’t Deserve Your Business

Some time ago, I received a handwritten message on a yellow self-stick note attached to a torn-out page from a magazine about a new book. The note said, “Mike, thought you might be interested.” It was signed “L.” It was sent in a non-business envelope with a stamp, but no return address. My assistant thought it was a personal message …

COMMENTARY 762.5: Cheating — We Don’t Want to Ruin Their Lives

A few years ago, 14 students at an affluent public high school were involved in a school break-in. They weren’t vandals and weren’t trying to steal anything. Their goal was to alter the computer records of their academic transcripts so they’d have a better chance of getting into premier colleges. Some people were horrified, others amused, and still others treated …

COMMENTARY 762.3: The True Meaning of Love – Love Is Not A Mirage

If we can get beyond the corny red heart clichés and commercialism surrounding Valentine’s Day, there’s real value in celebrating the idea of love. Okay, love doesn’t always conquer all and it’s rarely forever, but I worry that the hearts and souls of a whole generation are being corrupted by images that mock and trivialize the beauty and sanctity of …