Every full life has its bright days and its dark days, its triumphs and defeats, its calm and stormy seas. All these high and low experiences could justify viewing the past through the lens of gratitude or disappointment. And the way we characterize our history will determine whether we look toward our future with hopeful expectations or anxious trepidation. Scientists …
Emotional Resilience 743.1
Despite romanticized myths about the gloriously carefree teenage years, adolescence has always been an emotional battlefield where young people must fight their way through insecurity, depression and anger. For many teens, classrooms, playgrounds and hallways are hostile environments where name-calling, malicious gossip, taunting, and physical bullying regularly threaten their emotional and physical well-being Technology has not made kids meaner but …
Things Work Out 742.1
Despite a continuous parade of stories revealing the shortcomings of people and the moral deterioration of society, I am an incorrigible optimist. There are two aspects of life-improving optimism: 1) an optimist has a positive outlook about the future, believing sincerely that things will get better; and 2) the optimist sees and is grateful for the silver lining to every …
Making the Best of Family Relationships 741.5
For most of us, there’s something both wonderful and worrisome about large family gatherings. On the good side, we often can experience real pleasure in
God Will Provide
Bart’s home was in a flood area. The water was a foot high when a rescue truck offered to help him evacuate. Bart refused saying, “God will provide.” When the levee broke he had to climb onto the roof. A man in a row boat came by and urged him to get aboard but again Bart refused, “God will provide.” …
Good Quotes That Didn’t Make the Cut 739.3
In preparing my letter to my college-bound daughter Samara, I found and created lots of quotes that I liked, but that didn’t make the cut. Here are some of them. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket. People don’t have to like you. You’re not a Facebook status. Cultivate the power to choose your thoughts just …
It’s Your Job to Enjoy Your Job 739.1
Labor Day is, first and foremost, a day off from work to do something you enjoy, or to catch up on domestic tasks awaiting your attention. It’s also an ideal time to think about the role that work plays in your life. For some, work is a necessary evil. It’s doing what they have to do to make a decent …
Words of Wisdom: Part Two 738.5
This is the promised Part Two of my list of words of wisdom for my daughter who just entered college. Take control of your life by taking control of your attitudes. Choose to be happy. Choose to be cheerful. Choose to be optimistic. Pursue your passions, but don’t confuse feelings with facts, fun with happiness, or pleasure with fulfillment. Listen …
It’s Not Easy 738.4
Let’s be honest. Ethics is not for wimps. It’s not easy being a good person. It’s not easy to be honest when it might be costly, to play fair when others cheat, or to keep inconvenient promises. It’s not easy to stand up for our beliefs and still respect differing viewpoints. It’s not easy to control powerful impulses, to be …
Getting Through to Kids 738.2
A listener wrote to say she was selecting some of her favorite commentaries to put into a notebook for her 12-year-old son. She said she was going to underline portions she thought were particularly pertinent. I love it whenever someone wants to share my thoughts, especially with children, but I’ve come to realize how difficult it can be to successfully …
Wisdom in 20 Words or Fewer: Part One 737.4
Since my children were small, I launched their day with the invocation to “be good, have fun and learn.” I hope they remember that mantra, but now that my daughter Samara is beginning her independent life as a college freshman 3,000 miles away, I think a more detailed set of maxims is needed. So, I’ve begun to assemble a collection …
Marriage Is Not a Word 737.3
Marriage is not a word; it’s a sentence. Marriage is a three ring-circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering. A man is incomplete until he’s married; then he’s finished. Marriage is finding the one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Why are there so many mean jokes about marriage? Today, my bride and best friend …
Management Maxim: Suitability Is As Important As Capability 734.4
A critical maxim of management is “Suitability is as important as capability.” Capability asks, “Can they do the job?” Suitability asks, “Are they right for the job?” If the job isn’t a good fit, it’s not a good job. Yes, an employee has to have (or be able to readily acquire) the skills and knowledge required for excellent job performance, …
Coach Wooden the Philosopher 734.3
According to Henry David Thoreau, a philosopher is a person who seeks to understand and solve the most serious problems of life, not only theoretically, but practically. A true philosopher, Thoreau added, is so committed to wisdom that he seeks to live wisely and so lives a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust. By this definition, John Wooden, my …
Clichés and Milestones 734.1
One of the things I hate most about clichés is that whenever I experience milestone experiences, I have to admit they are true. There’s nothing unique or original about my feelings except that they are mine. So, as I witnessed my daughter Samara turn 18, my mind and heart flooded with trite and corny thoughts and emotions: “Where did the …
Refuse to Be Afraid 733.1
Tim Wrightman, a former All-American UCLA football player, tells a story about how, as a rookie lineman in the National Football League, he was up against the legendary pass rusher Lawrence Taylor. Taylor was not only physically powerful and uncommonly quick but a master at verbal intimidation. Looking young Tim in the eye, he said, “Sonny, get ready. I’m going …
The Greyhound Principle 732.2
Racing dogs are trained to chase a mechanical rabbit that always goes a little faster than the fleetest dog. This causes them to run faster than they otherwise would. Companies that annually set overly ambitious performance objectives for their employees employ this greyhound principle. To a point, it works. Most people achieve more when expectations are set high. The strategy …
COMMENTARY: Permitting Cheating Promotes Cheating 731.5
Reports of widespread cheating by schools in Baltimore, Washington, D.C., and other districts – highlighted by the huge scandal in Atlanta involving 178 teachers and principals – should be alarming. If our educators don’t have the moral courage and integrity to resist pressures to cheat, what hope do we have that they will successfully instill these virtues in their students? …
Even Our Schools Are Cheating 731.3
Most Americans condemn cheating in sports, business, and marriage, yet our culture is pervaded by cheating. Premier athletes use performance-enhancing drugs, cheating in business ravages our economy, and the media regularly exposes infidelity by prominent personalities and politicians. But it gets worse. Atlanta’s public school system, which won national recognition and millions of dollars of awards for apparent improvements in …
A Tale of Two Commentaries 731.1
Preface: The 90-second limit for my radio commentaries precludes a more thorough discussion of some issues. This “essay” is an expanded version of what was broadcast. Please remember my personal views in the commentaries, especially on controversial matters like these, are NOT views either endorsed or espoused by the Institute or the CHARACTER COUNTS! program. The Institute and CHARACTER COUNTS! …
Casey and O.J. 730.4
As a former law professor specializing in teaching trial practice, I watched hours and hours of the Casey Anthony murder trial with a keen professional eye. I thought Ms. Anthony’s lead attorney Jose Baez made some terrible decisions, including an opening statement proposing a totally unbelievable theory designed to excuse his client’s mountain of lies and explain how her two-year-old’s …
Go for It! 730.3
I recently attended the USAIGC National Girls Gymnastics Championships to see my daughter Carissa compete. It was nerve-racking on several levels. Though my wife owns and operates a highly successful gymnastics academy (JAG Gym in Culver City), and I am very familiar with every aspect of the sport, it’s hard not to worry about the possibility of injury on every …
Righteousness Is Revealed in Conduct, Not Rhetoric 729.4
It’s hard to look at the world and some of the people who seem to get ahead without occasionally asking ourselves why we should be ethical. However normal it is to think like this, the question should be off limits for people who profess strong religious beliefs. After all, what religion does not mandate morality? To authentically religious people, the …
Making Bricks or Building Cathedrals 727.5
According to an old parable, three men were working hard cutting stone from large blocks of granite. When asked what they were doing, the first fellow said, “I’m making bricks.” The second said, “I’m creating a foundation for a large building.” The third person answered, “I’m building a cathedral.” They are doing the exact same job, and all three responses …
Redemption, Hubris, and Schadenfreude 727.2
Who would have thought the victory of the Dallas Mavericks over the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals would call into play a bunch of ten-dollar words like aficionado, redemption, hubris, and schadenfreude? Sports fans are aficionados, people with great knowledge and enthusiasm for an activity. But the fact that the term fan is derived from the word fanatic tells …
The T.E.A.M. Approach to Teaching Character 724.4
I want my kids to be smart and successful, but I also want them to be good. I want them to be the kind of people other parents would like to see their kids marry. I also want them to make sound, values-based decisions that will help them be safe and happy. So, like most parents, I spend lots time …
The Pressure to Win in Sports and Business 724.1
A former successful college coach and athletic director once wrote me a note about the state of college sports. The pressure to win in high-profile schools is so great, he said, that it’s almost impossible to resist rationalizing. When competitors cheat or engage in other unethical conduct, the tendency is to redefine the ground rules for competition rather than be …
The Road to Significance 723.4
The most traditional way to measure the quality of one’s life is to list accolades, achievements, and acquisitions. In its simplest terms, success is getting what we want, and most people want wealth and status. Yet, as much pleasure as these attributes can bring, the rich, powerful, and famous usually discover that true happiness will elude them if they don’t …
Vindication 721.2
As I began writing this commentary, CNN Newsroom was exploring in detail the fresh facts and implications of the death of Osama Bin Laden. Just one click away, HLN, CNN’s second station, was reviewing the wedding and after party of Prince William and Kate Middleton. I hadn’t quite decided whether I was going to talk warmly about the fairy-tale quality …
The History of Positive Thinking 720.5
I am a strong believer in the power of positive thinking, which is the title of a best-selling book published in 1952 by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, a controversial preacher and pastor who popularized the idea that if you can change your attitude, you can change your life. He urged people to consciously train themselves to be optimistic and enthusiastic, …