COMMENTARY 798.3: A Person of Character

Let’s face it, it’s not easy to become a person of character. It takes a good heart, but it also requires wisdom to know right from wrong and the discipline to do right even when it’s costly, inconvenient or difficult. Becoming a person of character is a lifelong quest to be better. A person of character values honesty and integrity …

COMMENTARY 798.2: The Nature of Character

Abraham Lincoln was very concerned with character, but he also was aware of the importance of having a good reputation. He explained the difference this way: “Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” Put another way, your reputation is what people think of …

COMMENTARY 795.3: The Self-Portrait Called Character

While I was on a radio call-in show talking about cheating, a listener I’ll call Stan mocked my concern. He cheated to get into college, he said. He cheated in college to get a job. And now he occasionally cheats on his job to get ahead. In fact, he concluded, cheating is such an important life skill that parents ought …

COMMENTARY 788.4: The Golden Rule as the Road of Honor

Five hundred years before the birth of Christ, Confucius was asked, “Is there one word that may serve as a rule of practice for all one’s life?” He answered, “Reciprocity. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” This basic principle, now called the Golden Rule, can be found in every major religion and philosophy. …

COMMENTARY 787.4: A Call for More Civility

When George Washington was 16, he discovered a booklet of 110 maxims describing how a well-mannered person should behave. He was so convinced that these maxims would help him become a better person that he set out to incorporate them into his daily living. Among Washington’s many virtues, his commitment to civility marked him as a gentleman and helped him …

COMMENTARY 787.2: Shopping Carts and Rationalizations

When we think about character, we tend to think about big things like taking risks, acting with integrity, displaying generosity, or exhibiting self-sacrifice. These noble choices indicate character, but for the most part, our character is revealed in much smaller events like apologizing when we’re wrong, giving to causes we believe in, being honest when it’s embarrassing, and returning shopping …

COMMENTARY 783.5: Do A little More

In 1964, a young woman named Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death outside her apartment building in Queens, New York. She was attacked repeatedly over the course of an hour and despite her screams, none of the 38 neighbors intervened or called for help. Some were afraid. Some didn’t want to get involved. Some thought someone else would do it. …

Commentary 779.5: The Carrot, the Egg, and the Coffee Bean

Let’s face it. Painful personal trauma and tragedy — like illness or injury, death of a loved one, loss of a job or an unexpected breakup of a relationship — are unavoidable. The question is: Will these private calamities erode our capacity to be happy or cause us to become stronger and better able to live a meaningful and fulfilling …

COMMENTARY 777.5: Motive, Tact, Tone, Timing

Trustworthiness is essential to good relationships, and honesty is essential to trustworthiness. Being honest isn’t simply telling the truth, though. It’s also being sincere and forthright. Thus, it’s just as dishonest to deceive someone by half-truths or silence as it is to lie. But what if honesty requires us to volunteer information that could be damaging or hurtful?

COMMENTARY 776.5: Coaching for Character

I’ve spent lots of time with some of the world’s most successful coaches. I discovered that many of them think about character a lot, especially traits that are important to winning – like self-discipline, perseverance, resiliency, and courage. They pay less attention to virtues like honesty, integrity, responsibility, compassion, respect, and fairness – aspects of character that make a good …

COMMENTARY 775.5: “I Didn’t Want the Janitor to Lose His Job”

The primary responsibility for instilling good values and building character is with parents. This doesn’t mean, however, that teachers and coaches don’t have a critically important role. The unfortunate fact is that far too many kids are raised in morally impoverished settings that foster lying, cheating, and violence. If we don’t give these children moral instruction, many of them will …

COMMENTARY 774.5: Justin’s Introduction to Candor

When my son Justin was in high school, I went to an open house to meet his teachers. I was taken aback when one teacher casually mentioned that she had disciplined my son for cheating on a homework assignment. I asked my son why he hadn’t told me about this incident. “You didn’t ask,” he said. To say the least, …

COMMENTARY 774.4: The Dangers of Absolutism

The world of ethics spreads from the borders of the absolutists, who think every moral question has a clear and single answer, to the coast of the relativists, who believe ethics is a matter of personal opinion or regional custom. In distinguishing right from wrong, absolutists don’t see much of a difference between mathematical calculation and moral reasoning. They’re extraordinarily …

COMMENTARY 773.4: Grocery Store Ethics

You can tell a lot about people’s character by how they act at the grocery store. I remember being in a crowded store when there was a shortage of shopping carts. A prosperous-looking fellow was pushing a cart when another man stopped him. “Excuse me,” the second man said, “but this is my cart.”

COMMENTARY 772.2: Ethics — Easier Said Than Done

As a full-time ethicist – can you believe there even is such a thing? – I spend lots of time talking and writing about right and wrong. One thing I’ve learned is that in the last analysis, consistently doing the right thing is easier said than done. For one thing, it’s not always easy knowing what’s right. We want to …

COMMENTARY: The Guy in the Glass

Years ago I came across a poem entitled “The Man in the Glass” by Dale Wimbrow. I looked it up on the Internet and discovered a website maintained by his children that contains the original version written in 1934 and published in The American Magazine as “The Guy in the Glass.”

COMMENTARY 765.3: Religion in America

Many people see a close connection between religion and ethics for good reason: ethical principles like love, compassion, mercy, charity, and justice are common foundations to all major religions. This doesn’t mean that religious beliefs are essential to ethical conduct or that everyone who professes to be religious is virtuous. History is full of examples of hypocritical and exploitive religious …

COMMENTARY 763.5: The Scorpion and Human Nature

Terry and his dad Glen were walking along the shore and came upon a scorpion struggling in the tide, trying to get back to the sand. Glen tried to scoop the creature up, but the scorpion stung him and fell back into the tide. Glen tried again and was stung again. Terry said, “Dad, leave him alone! He’s not worth …

COMMENTARY 763.4: Being Basically Honest

After a workshop, a fellow came up to me and complained that I had made him feel uncomfortable. “I’m not perfect,” he said, “But I’m basically honest.” His implication was that it’s unfair to expect people to be honest all the time. His comment reminded me of a cartoon where one fellow confided to another, “I admire Webster’s honesty, but …

COMMENTARY 762.1: Self-Control

A frazzled mother with a fussy child caught the eye of a grocery store manager. He overheard her say, “Lily, you can do this. We just have to get a few things.” Moments later, when the child became more upset, the mother said calmly, “It’s okay, Lily. We’re almost done.”

COMMENTARY: Surviving Grief and Tragedy – The Spark Within 760.4

Here’s the bad news: Virtue isn’t a golden ticket to a pain-free life. Bad things happen to good people as often as they happen to bad people. It seems unfair, but in the natural order of the world, suffering is random. To expect otherwise is to sentence oneself to despondency, disillusionment, bitterness, and anger. Here’s the good news: The magic power that …

COMMENTARY: Hurrah for Hollywood! This Year’s Crop is Rich in Films that Inform, Move and Inspire 759.3

I know I’m out of my depth as a movie critic, but I am venturing into this new territory because there’s so much criticism about Hollywood that we don’t always give ample credit for the substantial number of truly wonderful movies that teach, move, and inspire, as well as entertain. And from my narrow perspective as an ethicist, I am grateful …

COMMENTARY: Making Good Decisions 757.4

More often than we like, most of us are faced with choices that can have serious and lasting impact on our lives. Do we go along with the crowd? Do we tell someone off, quit a job, end a relationship? Unfortunately, these decisions are not preceded by a drumroll warning us that the stakes are high and, even worse, we …